The Sneakiest Trap For Leaders
When stepping into a role as a leader, there is one particular behavior that one can do that creates the most long-term, compounding challenges in their role:
Knee-Jerk Advice-Giving
Now, you might be thinking, "How is giving advice a problem? I'm being helpful! How could this be a trap for ME?"
Totally understandable.
From an objective perspective, when we're presented with a challenge in our lives, the most useful thing we can do is to solve that problem. Right? It feels good to solve or overcome an issue. For sole-contributors in the workplace, solving problems and getting tasks done is the measurement of success in their role. We all came up through roles like this, so this drive to solve problems is ingrained in us.
When we're presented with a challenge as a leader, however, we need to slow down this knee-jerk problem-solving instinct.
For leaders, the most important measurement of our success is not simply solving problems or getting tasks done, it's developing the employees that report to us and cultivating their problem-solving and task-accomplishing skills.
Helpful, but at what cost?
Usually, when an employee brings us a question or issue they're facing, it can be really tempting to apply our own problem-solving prowess to these situations right away. But this is where the trap takes shape.
When we immediately give an answer or solution to an employee, we are being very helpful. The current issue gets solved. They leave our office. We feel good for helping. The employee feels good about the situation getting resolved.
Great! All done, right? Now, the next time that same employee faces a challenge, what do you think they'll do?
Most likely, they'll be right back in your office asking your help. Then we will give advice and they'll take it and go again. And this cycle repeats itself over and over and over again... Each time we give the answer when a question in posed, we reinforce the cycle of employees needing US in order to solve their problems.
If you relate to what I'm sharing here, don't worry. The skill you need to use to change this cycle is one you already have within you:
Curiosity.
Let's Put This Into Action:
The next time an employee brings a challenge to you, try using these questions in this order:
1. "Can you tell me more about that?"
2. "And what else?"
3. "What's the most significant challenge for you here?"
4. "What has your approach been to handling this so far?”
5. "What could you try doing that you haven't tried yet?"
6. "How will you know if this approach is effective for you?"
(Now this flow might not fit every conversation--tweak these to fit your situation--and I want you to try using at least 3 of these questions in your next conversation and see what you notice.)
What did you notice happen?
Did your idea of the right solution change as you listened to their answers? Most importantly, can they already come up with a solution for themselves? When we create that space and ask questions that reveal the complete context, they are almost always capable of coming up with an answer for themselves.
If we want to be really USEFUL as leaders (instead of merely helpful), our role is to ask questions that help the other person think more completely and gain more clarity on the situation at hand. This is where we can help people to really think, grow, and develop the skills to create critical-thinking, confidence, and SELF-reliance.
This starts with us. It requires us shifting our fundamental concept of our role as leaders from someone giving answers into someone who is asking questions that slow things down, build more context, and stimulate new, creative thought.
For More Reading/Listening:
Check out this fantastic podcast episode from Brené Brown with guest Michael Bungay Stanier, the author of The Advice Trap:
This interview touches on the topics of curiosity, advice-giving, and much more. I highly recommend reading Michael's books, particularly The Coaching Habit and The Advice Trap to dive in even deeper.
